stop. look.

I realized while driving in the rain that I have trouble admitting that I made the wrong decision about us. I found myself thinking about you and the way things might have been if I put you first. I know we both accept/admit that we are different people now…after not being together for 2 years, but we loved each other at a point in time, and somehow that memory doesn’t seem to be disappearing as easily as had I thought.

I don’t enjoy admitting regret over anything…does anyone? It’s not regret…it’s more of a curiosity about how we would be, who we would be.

laguna beach according to my actionsampler.

Sungha Jung playing “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard from one of my favorite movies “Once”. This kid is genius. you will be blown away.

(photographed by www.amelialyon.net)

i am not jean or austin…
but from those pictures i sure wish I was.

i’ve recently become mildly obsessed with browsing wedding/engagement photos. i don’t really appreciate the cheesy, posed ones but I can appreciate them if they capture a moment; a moment I wish I could have, or had?

i’m enjoying my independence and i know it wouldn’t be fair to whoever I was with, to pretend that I had time or energy for them, when my work consumes me. i’ve already made the decision that it’s not something I want for my life (to work 13 hours a day, and for it to be ok that i forget my kid’s birthday) and change will happen soon enough, but until then..until I meet him I’ll always miss what we had. your eyebrow grew in a funny direction…it’s the same way your mom’s and your grandma’s eyebrows were…i miss brushing them in the opposite direction in an attempt to train them back. i miss the feeling of contentment, feeling complete, feeling loved, being held. I saw you in my future..you are an amazing person and i’m happy for you. i just miss what we had and the circumstances that took it away.

it will pain me to see your engagement photos, but i hope they’re just as captivating.

to prep you for the 10 story fall, they tell you to keep your hands on your butt because of the tendency to freak out and grab on to whatever is in front of you.

i can’t take that kind of a leap (i did once and that was enough). i don’t think i’m prepared for that degree of intensity and i know that if i had no choice but to fall, i wouldn’t be able to do it alone. i’d have to and want to hold on to something (someone?)…there’s no way, at least not right now, I could do it on my own.

I love.

havent-got-a-prayer:

I love. I love deeply and fully. I love with my whole heart and no reservations. I love with my hands and my fingers and my skin. I love with my eyes and my tongue and my words and my glances. I love completely and beautifully. Sometimes I love too much or too easily. Sometimes I love the wrong people. But I love nonetheless. For this, I have nothing to apologize for.

there are always photos that exist to remind you of a certain emotion you had at that moment in time.

more often that not these photos have reminded me of places in the past that i’d like to return to.

unfortunately, it’s usually a place that no longer exists….it only exists as a memory/fantasy. it’s unrealistic to hope that things will stay the same…and if you aren’t able to accept change then you’ll stand unchanged while everything around you becomes unrecognizable. it makes me sad, that that’s how you want things to be…but i’m willing to accept that. and i guess that’s one change that you are willing to accept.

“ You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams.

—
Dr. Seuss (via devincastro)

thanks tumblr, for an inspirational week.

it’s going to be a good weekend.

i have hope

Sungha Jung playing “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard from one of my favorite movies “Once”. This kid is genius. you will be blown away.

I love.